One of my colleagues at Goose Green Clinic, Beth Follini, runs a life coaching practice & specialises in supporting women with the decision of whether to have children or not.
It’s a subject which comes up a lot within my circle of friends. Most of us are in our 30s, whether early, mid or late, and it’s become a hot topic. I guess we’re a product of our generation; the numbers of women having children at 35 and over has dramatically increased in the last 40 years.
My mum was 27 when she had her first baby. Even in 1974, she felt shocked to see ‘Mature Mother’ written on her hospital notes. Nowadays having a baby at 27 seems positively young.
I was having a snoop on the Office of National Statistics website to see how the figures looked. In 1974, the percentage of births to mums 35 and over was 6%. In 2012, the percentage had increased to nearly 20%. Times have changed.
Of my friends, we’re all in different circumstances with children. Some have had babies in the last couple of years, and of those, some might be deliberating whether or when to have a second. Others would love to start a family but are either not in the right relationship, or don’t feel it’s quite the right time, with flourishing careers or other priorities. Others are settled in relationships but are wondering whether they want to have children at all; they’re not sure they want to have their lives turned upside down plus the added financial pressures when children enter the scene.
Statistics, opinions, discussions and debates about delaying motherhood and the effect it might have on your fertility are rife. I saw a recent article from a mother who was told by a gynaecologist that at 28 she should be cracking on with motherhood or it might be too late. Tanya Selvaratnam talks about her own experience of delaying motherhood in her book “The Big Lie: Motherhood, Feminism, and the Reality of the Biological Clock” and ties in valuable information to help women make ‘smarter choices about their reproductive futures’.
Personally, I was very aware of the big 35 approaching and I felt a real urgency to get started with motherhood. I had my first baby at 32, and I’m now expecting my second this summer. My poor partner was subject to lots of anxious discussions about when was the right time to have a second baby, with my sense of getting older really dominating the decision.
This wealth of statistics and information plus the family and societal pressures are difficult to ignore and it has become a prevailing subject for women of my age, whether we are thinking of having children, or not.
This is a vast topic and one that I find both interesting and relevant. Watch this space for further discussion!
If you struggle with the decision of whether to have children, check out Beth’s website & blog:
Tick Tock Coaching
Beth’s blog – Children or Not